During and after my divorce I went through a lengthy much needed therapy. I loved my therapist. He was one of my Mother's colleagues and she had recommended him to me. I feel so blessed to have found him because his area of expertise ended up to be a very big issue that I had to deal with at that time. I believe I was the one talking most of the time. Imagine that? I think therapists are smart that way, we end up solving problems ourselves as w talk them out. Anyhow, I had so many "light bulb" moments during those dark years that I spent with my therapist. I'm grateful the Lord knew that I needed that certain therapist to help me heal. For the most part the healing has happened. As everyone knows divorce is an ugly thing and affects so many. I wouldn't wish what I went through upon my worst enemy.
Last night, I had a very vivid dream which could be titled as "Post Traumatic Stress". I woke up very disturbed, sad and anxious. I expressed this to my sweet husband of four months. He being the care taker he is, tried to figure out why this would come up in a dream. He was trying his best to help me and I know his heart was in the right place as it always is. He did help me figure some things out. I then had a recollection of something very valuable I had learned in therapy. Most of the time when people express painful things they just want us to take their pain away, even if its temporary. These are called "Rocks of Pain". In relationships we are quite often the cause the pain. We are then needed to take those rocks from that person we have caused pain to. For instance, if you hurt your partner by embarrassing them , they would then express to you that this action hurt them. You would need to simply reply by validating that you were hurt them and that you were sorry. Not much more needs to be said. It's amazing how it feels to have someone take that "rock of pain" from you. I realized that this was all I needed this morning. To have someone hug me and tell me pain my pain was valid but the past was over. I just needed to feel safe and secure again. As we all do.
Memories can be so real and be triggered by so many things. Just about everyone has had a traumatic experience that when recollected brings up a mirage of feelings. Most often similar to when the event happened. It's not fun. Perhaps this is why our memories fade.....so we can forget the pain eventually.
I was listening to a speaker yesterday in church and she told of how she had gone through a very ugly divorce. Her youngest child, a son, was about to leave on his mission for two years. She didn't know how she would make it without him, he was her rock. But she knew it was the right thing to do. After she took him to the MTC (Missionary Training Center), she went home and found a shirt of his that he had worn and wrapped it around her head. This may sound odd to some but for those who have sent someone away for a long period of time or had a loved one pass, it's not strange at all. I remember doing that similar thing with an item of my father's after he passed. In fact I still have one of his favorite coats that I have often put on in times when I needed comfort. Somehow those good comforting memories help ease our "Rocks of Pain."
As I write this I realize I'm not always good at taking "Rocks of Pain". Sometimes it's difficult to hear things over and over. Or even hear other's painful experiences. We want to fix them. Why is it difficult for me? That sounds so incredibly selfish. It saddens me that we or I can be so selfish. I want to be better at this and stop trying to change the way people think. That's not my job. My job is to ease their burden just as our Savior does. In fact it is through him we can have our "Rocks of Pain" completely carried for us. This is the sacrifice he made for us. It doesn't mean we will heal immediately but I personally cannot carry mine alone. It is only when I cannot do it anymore I humble myself and ask him to take it all away. I'm 47 years old why does it take me so long still to figure that out?
One thing I do know, is that we are not alone. Life is full of many trials and tribulations. This is a test. If it were not, we wouldn't grow and learn. I know the lessons that I have learned have helped me ease other's "Rocks of Pain" and have given me a much more compassionate heart. In this, many times, painful process I believe our "Rocks" become beautiful "Priceless Stones" that give off light and help others along their way. This I am grateful for and this is why I share my story. Thank you for listening.
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